Monday, April 21, 2014

Bathing Suit Beauty






These are a little more revealing than usual, however they show just how confident you can be in a bathing suit.  For many, big and small alike, wearing a bathing suit is a huge ordeal.  For some, they will never know what it's like as they refuse to try one on, purchase a bathing suit or ever take the chance at wearing one in public.  

I found this blog post < http://hellogiggles.com/lets-talk-about-bathing-suit-anxiety > where many points are brought up and enlighten the reasons behind such anxiety.  I remember a day when wearing a bathing suit, was a stressful feeling and I spent the ENTIRE time worried about what people were thinking, saying and ultimately what it looked like to those who saw.  What should've been fun times as a child, were spent as a prisoner of my lack of confidence and clear body shame that I had experienced before.

When I was younger, the word FAT was probably one of the most hurtful words I remembered hearing.  The word caused me years of agony, and torture within myself.  This word made looking at myself in the mirror a tragedy and developed an internal self abuse that I would fight for many years to come.

Those days are gone.  About 10 years ago, I finally saw the light and realized this is the body I was blessed to have.  It was time I learn to accept it and ultimately LOVE it.  What a relief it is to finally feel comfortable within my own skin and more so, wear a bathing suit with PRIDE!  





Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Make Up review from E.L.F, Milani, LoL products from Wal-Mart





I love this brush!  I had been looking for a good mineral powder foundation brush that didn't have a lot of spillage and has good, even distribution.  I couldn't afford the Mac version, and VERY pleased with this cheaper version available by clinking the link above.  

Red lipstick is REAL hard to find in a shade that works JUST right.  I had bought a whole bunch of dollar store brands, but none of them seemed to work.  I got this on sale with a coupon and love not only the color, but the long lasting effect it creates.  I hate having to reapply it over and over again.  

Putting on foundation can be a tricky task, especially when you have areas that need it more than others.  I saw a brush similar to this on a video tutorial and found it online at high end stores for $30.  I got this for under $10, and LOVE the way it blends my foundation.  Great, inexpensive find.


Here is the results.  You can judge for yourself.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Never too old for Footie Pajamas!




While on a hunt for warm pajamas here in Pennsylvania, of course my first and last stop was the all favorite Wal-Mart!  It's quite difficult to find plus sizes and when I saw they carried not only the larger sizes, but my favorite characters I HAD TO HAVE IT!  I chose the Minnie Mouse since it was pink, and one of my favorites from when I was a kid.  It was the only one in my size also so I grabbed it and couldn't wait to get them on.  

As seen above, they fit and they look adorable!  They are comfortable and VERY warm!  I love them!!  You can get yours below!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Friday Fashion




I love leggings, wedges and a cute sweater dress although this is being worn as a shirt due to the cold weather.  I tried to wear a waist belt with it, but didn't like the way it looked so I left it bare.  Threw on a hair bow and some jewelry and that completed my Friday Fashion!  

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Winter Fashion









I have become quite the fan of stripes.  In this fashionable ensemble, I've put together a compilation of a sweater, scarf, hat and jeans.  A casual look that shows off my curves but still keeps me warm.

The make up is made up of a pink bottom base eyeshadow, and a chocolate brown crease shadow.  Foundation is Mary Kay Mineral Powder.  

I REALLY love the Mary Kay mineral foundation.  It feels so light on my face and has a flawless effect!  It's cheaper than the foundation I was using previously, the Mac Studio-Tech which runs $25 average, plus the powder another $20.  With the mineral foundation from Mary Kay, you don't need both. You use less, the coverage is amazing and the feeling doesn't give you that clogged pore feeling.  

To order this mineral foundation, visit ShayMaryKay.com 

One of the hardest days of my life.... and a monumental event in my life

I try to give my blog a flavor of reality and true insight into me, the person behind the persona.  With this blog I will be open, and share some of my deepest thoughts and feelings.  I don't even know where to begin but to add this disclosure of "this isn't a cry for sympathy or attention."  There is no intention with this blog, but to share a personal piece of me and maybe reach out to someone who has experienced something similar and just know that you are not alone.

One of the most difficult days of my entire life was  June 26, 2002. I got the call about 5:30 am, I was deep in slumber as I had to get up for work in a couple of hours.  At the time I was a bill collector at a Jacksonville, FL third party collection agency.  I answered the phone to find my sister hysterical crying saying to come over immediately, that my nephew had passed in his sleep.  My heart stopped beating and I was stuck in what seemed like an eternity of the inability to breath.  What?  What do you MEAN he stopped breathing?  

Obviously I was going to have a hard time talking to her, as she was distraught and unable to stop crying so I did what a sister is supposed to do, packed up my sleeping kids in the car and raced over.  All I could do is cry for the entire 15 minute drive and when I arrived the ambulance was parked in front of the house.  My brother-in-law had my sister in his arms and she was curled in a fetal position balling so hard she was nearly convulsing.  I think this was one of the weakest moments of my life, as I had NO idea had to console my sister.  I didn't know how to keep myself together.  

The shock of his passing lingered and as my family began to gather at my sister's house in efforts to mourn his loss, and begin preparations for his viewing and funeral.  My mom came and was, the saddest I had ever seen her.  It was heart wrenching for myself, but even more so seeing the strongest woman I've ever known broken down and falling apart in front of me.

My mom was a single mom raising 2 girls.  Me, the mouthy, strong minded and VERY big personality and my sister who struggled her whole life being in my shadow.  We never really got along, but it was one of those situations where no one could mess with her but me.  If anyone tried to fight her, hurt her or do her wrong, her big sissy came to her rescue and wasn't afraid of anyone or anything.  No matter where our relationship was at the time of this call, I was going to be right at her side because that's what we do as family.  My mom did a fabulous job raising us, and she RARELY showed a lot of emotion in front of us so to see her in this state broke my heart.  
There came a moment when I realized that someone was going to have to step up, be strong and do the impossible, and I knew it had to be me.  I had to make the arrangements to lay my beautiful nephew to final rest and iron out the details of his viewing and burial.  I dried up the tears, put on my big girl panties and made all the final decisions to insure he had a beautiful memorial and a peaceful place to rest.  I have NO idea how I managed to make it through, but I did.  

The next step was to call family members and inform people we hadn't been in touch with or on good terms with, about the news and give them information about the funeral.  A touchy relationship was with my father, and surprisingly he came.  It was bitter sweet for me.  This was the first time I had seen him in quite a long time, and the first and only time he'd meet his grandson.  Watching my father play with him, and his restored relationship with his granddaughter gave me hope that he'd be a more active part of our lives.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  But that's another blog.  

What I failed to mention previously, is that my nephew was special needs being in a nearly fatal car accident at the age of 18months and having cerebral palsy.  We had a bond that was unbreakable, and not even in death could that be torn apart.  I miss him dearly, but know that he is in a better place.  (wiping my tears writing this and thinking of some of our most special moments)  

I share this with you, because THIS is a part of who I am, and this event is part of why I will ALWAYS fight for what I believe in and who I am.  When he was alive, he forced me to look at myself and appreciate what I was so blessed to have.  He loved me unconditionally, because he didn't know how not to.  Remembering him forces me to realize that my dreams are still VERY much alive and never to stop reaching for them.

Thank you for taking this time to read, a piece into me.  


Sunday, December 1, 2013

Love your FAT!!


These photos are to represent the love I have for my body, my curves and my body fat.  I could let my over-weight condition keep me from enjoying life, however, I've chosen to embrace my fate and enjoy my life.  Does this mean I am going to avoid efforts to be healthier?  No.  Am I going to live healthier by not obsessing about losing weight?  Yes.  Will I allow others to judge me and attempt to insult me with fraudulent concern for my size and health?  No.  

Loving my body and accepting this is who I am is not a "coping" method.  It's simply realizing that even thin, fit people are unhealthy with mental anguish, lack of self esteem, and internal self abuse with constant obsessing over their weight and appearance.  Being fat isn't the worst thing that could happen to me, although MANY people in our world believe that it is.  Sadly, that in itself is a form of self abuse.  

People that are healthy are at risk of getting cancer, diabetes and other fatal conditions.  It annoys me that people automatically assume that you are unhealthy based on your size.  Do a lot of obese people have diabetes?  Yes.  But, diabetes runs in my family and they are ALL height and weight proportionate.  

I am confident and secure, and this is something that even some of the most physically fit, outwardly beautiful and attractive people lack. I am PROUD of who I am, every pound, every fat roll, every curve.  I can only hope that others can see that happiness doesn't lie behind a perfect number, but within by self acceptance and love.